


Flicker

by SoGayItHurts



Category: Men's Football RPF
Genre: A LOT of Angst, Angst, M/M, Set when Ney was at Barca, Songfic, Unrequited Love, also sorry lads I love Leo to death, idk why I made him such a dick in the first bit, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-27 01:58:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17757626
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SoGayItHurts/pseuds/SoGayItHurts
Summary: Neymar finally tells Leo that they need to fix whatever broke in their relationship.





	Flicker

 

_**When you feel your love’s been taken** _   
_**When you know there’s something missing** _

There was silence in the room.

“Leo, I know you know I’m here,”

Neymar stood at the door and looked over at the bed. Leo slept, facing the other side of the room, in darkness, except the trickle of light that shone in through the door.

It was weird now. The thing they had. It was like they were in a relationship but then they just forgot they were in a relationship. It was like they were in love but they just... didn’t realise.

“Leo, I’m coming in, okay?”

Leo didn’t reply, he didn’t even move. So Neymar gently shut the door behind him and took a step closer to his teammate and somewhat boyfriend.

The lights were off so he gently flicked the switch and turned them on, but there was still only a dim light hanging above their heads.

“You really need to get a stronger lightbulb, babe,” Neymar softly said, attempting a smile, but he was met with no reply.

He took another step forward,and he waited for a response.

“Leo?”

There was silence on the bed as Leo moved a single leg to overlap his other and then stayed facing the other way.

“Are you up?”

Leo shuffled slightly but didn’t turn around.

“Leo?”

Neymar moved another step closer towards the bed.

**_In the dark,  
We’re barely hanging on_ **

  
He sat upon the bed and looked down at the soft body beside him.

He frowned slightly, tempted to turn Leo around and force him to look in his eyes. He missed him. He missed Leo every single day.

It’s not like there was anything wrong with their relationship, it just felt... slightly one-sided, possibly a bit distant and rather confusing. There wasn’t even a certainty that they were actually together. Like, really together.

There were no ‘I love you’s and no dates, hardly any time together, in fact. Aside from training and matches, Neymar and Leo’s lives hardly collided.

“Are you asleep?”

“Yeah,”

Leo spoke, still facing the other direction, sounding slightly bothered.

“Oh. Sorry, babe,”

Lionel shuddered at the sound of the word ‘babe’ but aside from that, did not move an inch.

“I mean, Leo,” Neymar corrected himself, slightly red in the face, “I meant Leo,”

**_When you rest your head upon my chest,  
And you feel like there ain’t nothing left,_ **

  
Neymar gently sighed. Through the window beside his bed, Neymar could clearly see Lionel’s open eyes and bored expression, he looked less like he was ‘asleep’ and more like he was avoiding conversation.

“Leo, can you look at me for a second?”

“I’m tired, Ney,”

“But I just want to see your face,”

“Ney, please, tomorrow,”

“Can’t I talk to you for a couple of minutes?”

Leo huffed and then turned around, no signs of joy nor anger on his face. But he didn’t necessarily look tired either, he was emotionless, almost tedious.

“Yeah, Ney?”

The nickname softened Neymar’s heart. It seemed so natural and reassuring, coming from Leo’s mouth.

“Do you wanna go out and do something with me on Thursday?”

“Who else is coming?” Leo asked, turning his body to face Neymar, a questioning look on his face.

“Oh...just me and you, like a date,” Neymar said, and Leo turned back around.

“I don’t know, Ney, maybe,”

Neymar ignored the sudden rush of happiness every single time Leo called him ‘Ney’ and tried to carry on.

“Alright then, but call me if you can,” Neymar said, partially disheartened.

“Oh, I lost your number like two weeks ago, can you put it back into my phone?”

Neymar was slightly angry. Two whole months and Leo didn’t even think to tell him? He literally drove him to sleepless nights because he thought Leo was ignoring him, that he hated him, that he was bothering him. But he just didn’t have his contact number?

But he kept his cool, hardly looked sad and nodded.

“Oh...oh okay,”

He took his phone out of his pocket and then placed Leo’s phone in his other hand. He glared at his own screensaver, a picture of him and Leo from months ago, his chin resting on top of the older man’s head.

And the memory came flooding back.

**_I’m afraid,  
That that we had is gone,_ **

_They were in the changing room after a match against Girona (in which they’d won 4-0) and decided they were going to eat out at a restaurant a couple minutes drive from the stadium._

_“What?” Neymar asked, after he’d caught Leo’s eyes wandering towards him, once again._

_“You look good,” Leo shrugged and a soft chuckle left Neymar’s lips._

_“I know,”_

_“Oh shut up,” Leo gently nudging his arm as he got up. They were the only ones left in the room, so he pressed a gentle kiss against the younger man’s cheek._

_“‘You done?” Neymar asked as he zipped up his bag and placed his phone in his pocket._

_“Yeah, you need a ride, it’s only down the road,” Leo suggested, to the acceptance of Neymar, who nodded his head and wrapped him in a very short bit warm hug._

_“Thanks, babe,”_

_“No problemo,”_

_They entered the car, met by a warm rush of air, and soon enough Leo was backing up in the parking lot whilst Neymar rattled on about how Dani was practically out to murder him after the prank he’d pulled. And Leo listened._

_It was nice back then, in Neymar’s eyes, all he could dream of. They’d only been a couple for a bit, but that was when it felt the most alive, the most relieving, the most mutual. The most that Neymar could have ever wanted._

_A comfortable silence fell between them, and Neymar hummed gently to the music on the radio, Leo’s hand gently pressing on his thigh._

_They pulled up outside of the restaurant and stepped out, arms brushing against each other every so often. And as they entered the fancy setting, dressed in rather informal clothing, and asked the waiter to point them to the other men’s place, Neymar purposely rubbed his hand against the side of Leo’s._

_Sometimes, the younger man didn’t want to look TOO needy, didn’t want to seem clingy in front of this man he seemed to love so much, so he’d just subtly get his point across until Leo got the idea. And that’s exactly what happened, the Argentinian gave him a soft grin before lacing their fingers together._

_They got to the table, where most of the other men were and sat alongside them, joining in with the conversation. Seeing as there was little space, they had to separate, Neymar sitting beside Gerard and Dani, whilst Leo placed himself between Andres and Javier._

_But they still managed to grab little glances at each other from across the table, innocent smiles plaguing their faces every time they did._

_**But I think of the start  
And it echoes a spark** _

_An hour or so passed before they had finished the remainder of the food and then began exiting the restaurant._

_Neymar, after having a mutual tease session with Dani for a solid hour, made his way towards Leo, who was still hardly finished and having a casual conversation with the people around him._

_“Do you mind actually eating your food, Leo?” He dramatically questioned._

_“Here take some,” Leo offered, and Neymar being way ahead of him, took at least five spoonfuls of cake and ate them, giggling at Leo’s little gasp._

_“NEY! I said SOME, not ALL,” The older male rolled his eyes but was unable to keep a little grin from spreading on his face._

_Neymar chuckled even more, and apologetically rested his chin on the tips of Leo’s soft brown hair, he wrapped his arms around Leo’s and looked down at him with as much admiration as his eyes could carry._

_He really did love Leo, heck, if there was one thing that was clear and confirmed in his eyes, it was that he’d lay his entire life down if Leo asked him to. As long as the Argentinian was right beside him, well, and okay, Neymar was infinitely happy, entirely at peace._

_There was a flash of a camera and Gerard’s phone made an audible click. A smirk spread across his face as he sent Neymar a message._

_When the notification pinged in Neymar’s phone, he watched Gerard’s face suspiciously._

_“Geri what the fuck do you want now?” He asked, and slowly opened up the chat, only to find a picture of him a couple seconds ago, caressing Leo’s back with such visible heart eyes that it was difficult to ignore them._

_It was beautiful, Leo’s shiny pearls and wrinkled eyes, soft hair, perfect skin._

_“You can thank me for my photography skills later, just thought I’d bless you with a new screen saver,” Gerard stated and Neymar attempted to appear unamused, as audible ‘awww’s called from behind him._

_“Are you actually going to put that as your screensaver?” Leo asked, and Neymar winked at Gerard almost as a form of gratitude._

_“I’ll think about it,” He replied, but everyone and their mothers new that it was a definite yes._

_“Maybe,”_

**_I remember the magic  
Electricity_ **

Neymar looked down at the resting body beside him. What had happened? What did he do wrong?

His mind buzzed with all then possibilities of all the shit he’d done wrong. Because a couple months ago, Leo was almost as happy to be in Neymar’s company as Neymar was his. But now, he felt like a nuisance, bothersome, something Leo strives to get rid of.

He opened up Leo’s contacts, and began typing up his own number, until he realised that the number was recognised.

‘ _Ney_ ’

The contact name came up, Neymar could practically hear Leo’s voice saying it. He clicked down on it and funny enough, there it all was, every single call that Neymar had ever attempted to make.

They were in a never ending queue, missed call, missed call, missed call, the words became so repetitive that Neymar wasn’t sure whether they were real or not.

His stomach curled, a part of him was confused, and a part of him was angry. Angry at himself, angry at his need for attention, angry at his desperate attempts at making sure things were okay.

No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t bring himself to be even slightly angry at Leo.

“Done,” He lied placing the phone back on the counter beside Leo’s bed.

He stared down at his hands, until he fixated on the bracelet wrapped around his right arm. It almost seemed like everything reminded him of Leo, and the flashbacks just kept on coming.

**_So I look in my  
Heart_ **

_“Ney! You fucking midget, happy birthday,” Rafinha nuzzled him in a crushing hug as he entered the changing room for practice._

_“What did I say about calling me a midget when we’re the same height?”_

_“I didn’t listen because it was invalid, but I did get you a present,” Rafinha smirked, hiding a box behind his back._

_“I swear to god if it’s as bad as what I got you for your birthday...” Neymar was hesitant to open up the box, but an eager Rafinha begged him to._

_There, laying right in front of him, luminance and colour blinding him, was a shiny dildo._

_“You like it? It’s made entirely of real gold,” Rafinha added and Neymar was holding back tears of laughter, “Don’t laugh, that cost be a fortune,”_

_“I hate you so much,” Neymar cackling maniacally, “That’s almost as priceless as the dumbass shit I get YOU,”_

_Rafinha and Neymar had a tradition of just getting each other the randomest and weirdest presents, that would probably make others vomit if they saw it. They’d been almost joint by the hip since Dani had been sold to Juventus._

_“Oh and... Dani wanted to give you this,” Rafinha hands him a box, shipped in from Italy. Opening it up, it was a mega sized pack with the bright and colourful title ‘The Art Of Clownery’. Tied to it was a small note that read ‘Because I miss your tomfoolery xxxx Dani,”_

_“I miss him,” Both Rafinha and Neymar commented, at first smiling and then dropping into a rather sorrowful mood, when Dani left, it really did impact them.  
The enthusiastic charisma that filled them everywhere they went really did fade away when he did._

_To cheer him up, he was bombarded with ‘happy birthday’s and cute little presents, boxes of chocolate, and birthday beats so hard he could hardly feel his arms._

_“Hey, Ney,” Leo walked in rather late, giving Neymar “Got a surprise for you after training,”_

_And even at the mention of it, Neymar could hardy wait._

_**There’s a Light in  
The Dark** _

_After training, Leo snuck behind him and handed him a tiny little box, wrapped gently in a red and blue ribbon. The label read a simple ‘Ney’, and the box itself was a dark blue colour._

_Gently, Neymar began unwrapping the present, and there was a little bracelet, made of marble and with a small line in the middle._

_“Guess what it does,” Leo questioned but Neymar, after examining it, could only shrug, it looked just like any expensive pretty bracelet you could buy._

_“It plays music if you connect it to your phone, and if you press the side...” He moved closer and instructed him to touch the side._

_And Neymar couldn’t stop the little gasp from leaving his lips, heck even Rafinha sitting next to him held a face of bedazzlement._

_The two sides of the bracelet opened up more and more until, written there in electric lights that sparkles against the marble on the side, and there was written:_

_‘Te Amo’_

_“Leo, it’s fucking beautiful,” Neymar beamed, wrapping his arms around Leo’s neck in a thankful hug._

_“I know,Ney, that’s why I got it,” Leo smiled back, and the younger male attacked him with an avalanche of cheek kissed._

_“I really do love you,” Neymar restated, as he had done many times in the past._

_“I know,”_

**_Still a flicker of hope  
That you first gave to me_ **

It only struck Neymar then and there that Leo had never said ‘I love you’ back. Not in their earliest days, not in their prime, not in their fall. He’d smile, give him a hug, avoid the topic, but he’d never said it back.

Neymar’s mind whirled with thousands of things he wanted to clear up, things he needed to say before he literally burst. And for a couple minutes, he didn’t know how to put his words, so he sat in silence.

Until he couldn’t hold it in for much longer, and decided that he might as well say it all now, because he wasn’t sure if he was going to get another chance before he left. And so he started the rambling.

  
“I’d die for you, you know,”

“I mean, that’s a pretty strong phrase, way too strong, but I’m using it anyway. ‘Cause I really would. I’d die for you, even if you think I’m just one of your annoying fanboys. You’re not far off though, but I just...”

“I just, ugh I don’t know how to say this without sounding self-centred, but I... we don’t talk enough. We don’t hang out, just me and you, not like we used to. It’s not you and me at all. It’s you. And me. In separate sentences,”

“You can tell me, you know, if you feel like you want more. If you wanna move on to bigger things than little old me. If you don’t feel like you did before. Or if you never felt anything anyway. You can tell me, Leo, you can tell me anything,”

“Now that I think about it...we don’t talk about anything. Except the next match or maybe if we possibly need to be partners in training. Are we even...a thing? Oh god, what am I talking about, we are still a thing, right? I don’t even remember, it’s been so long, Leo,”

**_That I want to keep,_ **

“I know you don’t _really_ like me, Leo,”

“I’ve known for ages, since you stopped making an effort to hang out with me, since you started taking days to reply to my messages. And that... that light, Leo, that shine in your eyes just dimmed. You just never had the same smile on your face after what? A few weeks?”

“I don’t like seeing sad Leo. I really don’t like sad Leo. Sad Leo breaks my heart, I can’t even make eye-contact with you when you lose a match. You just look so...disheartened and lifeless, I just want to wrap you in my weak arms and kiss you and tell you it’s all okay,”

“But you don’t want that do you, Leo? You don’t want me getting my clingy hands anywhere near you. I get that, and... I don’t wanna feel like I’m forcing you to be stuck in a relationship with me, you know, I don’t want to hurt you,”

“If I love you but you don’t feel the same, you can say something you know,” His voice cracked.

“I’ll manage, Leo,”

**_Please don’t Leave,_ **

“I might be gone for a bit, to clear my head, escape everything for a while, but I’ll be back,”

Leo lay asleep, only rustling every so often , his face pointed towards the opposite direction.

“Not that you care,” it hurt Neymar to say it but it was the truth.

“I’m not even sure what I’m nattering on about, you’re asleep, and even if you were awake you... wouldn’t really care. I mean, _really_ care, it probably wouldn’t harm you one bit. I guess that’s the worst thing about... this,”

“That I have to question everything I’ve ever known and you’ll be fine, no matter the outcome, you’ll still be Lionel Messi, arguably the best of all time, but I’ll be forgotten if I make a single mistake,”

“In the end, I’m the only one that’s gonna get hurt,” Neymar felt a single soft tear gently slide down the side of his face, he wiped it with his sleeve and sighed.

“I’ll see you when I get back,” Neymar said, trying not to sob the words. He gently reached out for Leo’s hand and held it in his own.

It wasn’t a final goodbye, he would be back, but it felt so far away, so distant. He didn’t want to let Leo go, even though he knew he would have to.

Silently, he took a single look at a sleeping Leo and got up. Then he placed a soft kiss on the back of Leo’s hand, letting it fall back on to the bed, as he walked towards the door.

“I love you,” He said finally. Edging closer and closer towards the door, silently.

A part of him, just a small part, was waiting, just hoping for Leo to reply, to say “I love you, too”, in fact, to say anything. Anything at all.

But there was no response.

Another single tear fell down Neymar’s face as he slid out of the door and it shut behind him.

There was peace in the room, it was completely dark, and all that was to be heard was the gentle sniffles of Leo as he slept.

Silence.

**_Please don’t leave_ **

 


End file.
